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? Cornell West John Stuartís Philosophy ?

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Letter of Advice

Dear Mary and John,

Interpersonal and personal conflicts in communication can be solved with self-concept development and maintenance, and strategic communications. This will help you to realize and understand the interpersonal impacts on culture and gender. In this case, without effective communication your relationship could fall and crumble. Therefore, you need to learn how to effectively communicate in any relationship type. This will ensure that family, business and personal matters are responded to in an effective manner. Thus, you will find an appropriate way to respond to all communication problems or conflicts within your relationship. In this letter, I will try to explain to the best of my knowledge and ability how to maintain a healthy relationship. I will also try to give you highly effective tips on how to have a better communication in your relationship. If you trust each other and treat each other with respect, you will be able to enjoy greatly each otherís company and resolve all the conflicts and problems in your relationship.

Most couples have trouble navigating the process of dating and the dating pool. This is because different relationships have complicated rules that are ever changing. This simply means that your relationship as a newly engaged couple is not any different from relationships of other people. In this case, you should realize that dos and doníts in a relationship are extremely influential foundation (Griffin, 2008). However, this does not mean that the dos and doníts will always work magic on your relationship. This is because apart from the dos and doníts, your relationship will still require work and commitment.

It is necessary to realize that in a relationship no party owns it. This is because each individual in the relationship is their own person. It is also necessary to realize that relationship and love does not in any way focus on control but rather on the happy moments and high times of your lives. In this case, you must never hesitate to do something nice for your partner and never feel uncomfortable about doing basic things for your loved one. However, this does not mean that you should allow your partner to control you. No! Simply you should be firm, flexible but in control at all times. Talking is an extremely sturdy and influential part in a relationship, because talking is part of communication. Talking to your partner will not only ensure that your relationship remains open and honest but also that you get comfortable with your partner. Many partners think that arguing is a sign of a break up. On the contrary, effective arguing is extremely healthy in a relationship. This is because it will help you and your partner to let out all the boiling emotions within you (Takash, 2008). However, you must never let the argument lead to a break up. If the argument is getting out of hand, it is better to walk off and allow your partner and yourself to pull down.

An interpersonal relationship is based on solidarity, interactions, love and inference. This basically means that the relationship between you and your partner is an intimate and romantic connection of you as a couple. In this sense, you do not only share thoughts, but you also experience feelings, engage in activities and influence each other in a unique way. Your relationship can go through five stages, which include: acquaintance, build up, continuation, deterioration and termination. In this case, if you want a flourishing relationship, you must ensure that there is a dynamic focus and balance on your relationship. You must also realize that a love relationship will bring you physically and emotionally closer together. This means that you both must be committed to the relationship in order to ensure that it is successful.

Your relationship will be able to flourish if you and your partner learn to capitalize positives attributes and events in your relationship. The fact is that positive attributes and events will help to improve your self-esteem, increase positive emotions and provide other relationship benefits. In simple terms, you must try to understand your partner, respect and accept him or her, actively participate in the relationship and persistently mind about each other.

Principals and Misconceptions in Effective Interpersonal Communications

Many principals are extremely effective in interpersonal communications. Interpersonal communications focuses on the reasons why you should communicate, the communication process, communication misconceptions and principals, and how to become an effective communicator. You need to communicate with your partner in order to identify the social, physical and identify needs as well as practical goals in your relationship. In this way, you and your partner will be able to relax, have companionship and obtain pleasure and happiness from the same things in life. The principals of interpersonal communication include: irreversible communication, it is impossible not to communicate, communication is unrepeatable, and content and relational dimensions (Warren, 2003).

Interpersonal Communication is Inescapable

This principle simply means that partners must communicate in any situation. In this case, an attempt to avoid communicating is still a form of communication. If this is happening then interpersonal communication can be achieved through facial expression, gestures, and postures among many other nonverbal. In other words, your partner and the people around you can judge you from and by your behavior as opposed to your intentions.

Interpersonal Communication is Irreversible

This simply means that once you communicate you cannot take back what you have expressed. The effect of the communication effectively remains.

Interpersonal Relationship is Complicated

Every form of communication is complicated and not absolute, because of the many complex variables involved in communication. In other words, communication can be understood and interpreted in different ways.

Interpersonal Communication Conceptual

This principle simply implies that there has to be more than two people to ensure that communication takes place. Therefore, it can be in psychological content, which focuses on values, personalities and desires; relational context, which focuses on your partners reaction; situational context, which focuses on a situation or location from which the communication occurs; environmental context, which deals with communication at a time of the day, season or location; and cultural context, which focuses on rules and behavior that affect communication interaction.

Misconceptions about Interpersonal Communication

It is necessary to note that in order to communicate with others effectively you should understand them and be understood by them. There exists many misconception about interpersonal communication such as; ďif I say it, the other person will understand itĒ, ďthe more communication - the betterĒ, ďany problem can be solved if you communicate with each other andĒ and ďcommunication is a natural abilityĒ. It is necessary to realize that if you say something, your partner will not necessarily understand. This means that the message can be understood as having a different meaning. Note that once you have been misunderstood by your partner, too much talking is an enormous mistake. Sometimes remaining silent is a more effective type of communication. During other times, taking some time off is highly effective in enhancing your interpersonal communication. This is because sometimes distance and time out can be a solution, as opposed to talking it out with your partner. The time off helps both partners reflect on the situation and gain new understanding and perspective on the same issue.

Barriers to Effective Interpersonal Communication

Are there times when you wonder if your communication in the relationship is effective? Well, most of the time communication in relationships becomes ineffective. However, you hold the key to making the communication more effective. Interpersonal barriers in communication are problems that frustrate† partners in a relationship and infringe effective communication. This simply means that the couple is faced with physical, perception, emotional, cultural, language and gender barriers. Physical barriers occur when partners are separated by physical distance. In this way, they are not able to effectively communicate with each other or their interpersonal communication is limited by the distance. Perception barrier, on the other hand, occurs when partners have dissimilar views and perceptions on different matters. Emotions can also act as a barrier when partners allow their emotions to get the better of them. In this way, the partners in the relationship are led astray by their jealousy, fear, mistrust, suspicion amongst many other emotions. Culture can also determine the behavior of partners in a relationship, and thus create a barrier on the same. Language and gender can also create a barrier in relationships. That is because it makes it difficult for persons in relationship to communicate with each other. The other barriers that cause ineffective communication include negative emotions, low self-esteem and lack of commitment

Negative Emotions

Negative emotions mostly arise from unpleasant experiences from past relationships. If you do not control or deal with these negative emotions, they may trigger painful situations and outcomes in your relationship. In this way, you need to identify and cope with negative emotions from experiences in order to save your relationship from the same destiny.

Low Self-Esteem

Low self-esteem is a terribly dangerous attribute that can take a tremendous toll on the interpersonal communication in your relationship. This is because a partner, who has low selfĖesteem, will not have the courage to express him or herself. This can eventually send the wrong signals and message to your partner and thus negatively affect your relationship.

Lack of Commitment

Lack of commitment is formidable enemy to effective interpersonal communication in a relationship. This is because your partner may not be sure of what they want. In this case, they will send the wrong signals to the partner in the relationship. Therefore, you need to be committed to the relationship in order to effectively communicate with your partner (Woods, 2010).

Strategies for Managing Interpersonal Conflicts

As a couple, you need to realize that there has to be conflicts in every relationship. This is because misunderstandings and misconceptions can occur and your and your partnerís opinions may vary. In this case, you need to deal with the conflicts. It is necessary to note that an effective management strategy in dealing with conflicts is possible. Some of the conflict management strategies include:

Dealing with the Conflicts

Many other couples in relationships suggest that it is better to avoid conflicts. However, conflicts are almost impossible to avoid. In case a conflict occurs, you need a reliable solution that will help you deal with the conflicts as a couple. It would be a tremendous mistake to assume and neglect the conflicts. This is because it will only lead to guilt and regret. In other cases, unresolved conflicts lead to stress, resentment, hostility and anger which may have a negative effect on your interpersonal communication and relationship, as well. Therefore, in order to be healthier and happier emotionally and physically in your relationship, you need to deal with the conflicts every time they arise (Cooper, 2007).

Think It Through

It is necessary to think through an issue before addressing your partner about the conflict. It is also helpful to discuss the situation with a friend. This will ensure that the needs and issues in the relationship will be addresses and cleared. In this way, both you and your partner will make a better team and improve one anotherís self-esteem and courage.

Talk It out Face to Face

When dealing with a conflict, the best form of communication is a face to face type. This is because you and your partner will have an opportunity to actively communicate and exchange information. This will help you to observe your partners nonverbal cues and body language.

If Necessary Use a Mediator

If the conflict and the situation are serious, it is advisable to use a mediator to avoid making the situation worse. However, the mediator should be a neutral person, and should by all means avoid taking sides. In this way, the mediator will be able to listen carefully to the couple and facilitate compromise and a solution. This will help you and your partner to resolve the conflict if you cannot do it by yourself.

Apologize when Appropriate

Sometimes it is wise to apologize when it is appropriate. This is because the willingness to accept your mistakes is the first step to resolving the conflict. In other words, you have to meet your partner halfway in order to resolve the conflicts.

Choose Your Battles

It is necessary to note that in every relationship there will be different ways of doing things and different opinions. Therefore, you can choose to address and deal with some battles and ignore unimportant issues in the relationship. In this way, you will be able to develop maximum credibility in the relationship. You may end up being labeled and called a complainer if you keep making issues in the relationship a vast deal (Trenholm, 2007).

Work to Minimize the Conflicts

Conflicts are inevitable, but you can work on minimizing them. This is possible if you develop a strong relationship with your partner. In this way, every time you need something, make the point known to your partner.

Impact of Gender and Culture on Interpersonal Communications

Culture is extremely significant part of resolving a conflict. This is because you and your partnerís culture are shaped by your judgments, perceptions, ideas and attributions. This simply means that culture is extremely powerful tool that can influence conflicts and help in resolving them. It is necessary to note that culture is more than dressing, food customs and language but are groups that share nationality, ethnicity and race. In this case, you must always remember that cultures are related to symbolic dimensions and are always changing. This means that your culture will determine how you draw boundaries, interpret and perceive different issues in your relationship.

It is needed to note that communications styles between you and your partner can be conceptualized, by the way, each of you interact and perceive each other. In a research carried out on this topic, it was discovered that gender and sex have an extremely influential role to play in the partnerís perception. In some relationships, the man prefers an assertive, dominating and commanding role or communication style. Females, on the other hand, prefer a socially oriented approach or communication style. Some critics argue that men and women differ in many different ways. However, these differences are viewed as cross cultural divergent. This simply means that men and women have two different and unique styles of communicating. In this way, understanding your partnerís communication style is the first step to understanding your partner. Therefore, you must address gender related problems in your relationship in order to improve your interpersonal communication. This means that you should be aware, get involved and understand your partnerís communication style.

Gender Differences in Relation to Coupleís Communication

As a couple, you should note that men and women are different in many aspects. In this case, their communicational styles and emotional expressions are quite diverse. The book Ďí Men are from Mars and women are from Venus Ďí by John Gray shows and highlights the different communicating styles and emotional experiences between men and women. This does not in any way mean that you and your partner can not have a happy and fulfilling relationship. Alternatively, it means that men and women can cope together despite the differences in their gender and sex. However, these differences surface during conflicts (Woods, 2009). This is when you notice your partnerís true colors. In view of the above, you will need to improve your interpersonal skills in order to have a successful relationship. The first step is to develop a positive interpersonal relationship. The best way to improve the personal relationship between you and your partner is to demonstrate respect to each other. In other words, you must treat each other with dignity. This will ensure that you avoid insensitive and needless conflicts in your relationship. It is also necessary that you overcome your fear of confrontation and necessary conflict. This is because sometimes you will have a conflict to help you get over or understand the truth of the matter.

Emotional Intelligence and Its Role in Effective Interpersonal Relationships

As a couple, you should realize that you are both emotionally intelligent. You should also realize that emotional intelligence is made up of self motivations, managing emotions, handling and recognizing emotions in a relationship. In order to have a clear perspective in your relationship, you should separate your emotions from yourself. This will help you manage your emotions in an effective way. As a couple, you should be able to control, evaluate and identify your emotions.

Emotional intelligence is extremely beneficial because it plays a role in the interpersonal communications within your relationship. In other words, emotional intelligence will help you and your partner to deal with all sorts of emotions during conflicts and disputes.† This will contribute to the ability to understand the main difference between a damaging interpersonal communication and an effective interpersonal communication. You must work on having the ability to sustain positive emotions, communicate and experience these positive emotions. It is also necessary to evaluate the most appropriate self-disclosure levels in your relationship. In this way, you will have strong communication, make proper plans and develop your relationship. There has been remarkably little study and research on emotional intelligence. However, the emotional intelligence concept is extremely important in a successful relationship (DeVito, 2003).


Interpersonal communication is a two way street or process that should be understood by both parties in a relationship. Effective interpersonal communication includes many related issues, such as individual effectiveness influences and interpersonal styles. However, effective interpersonal communication does not give you an automatic solution to relationship problems, †because many unrelated problems can arise in your relationship. However, an effective personal communication is the first step to ensure your relationship is successful.

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